Space Pirates Ltd.

This is an essay I wrote about half an hour before it was due in my Art Matters class. What it has to do with art or the mattering thereof, I have no idea, but we were in fact supposed to write about one of the promotional videos we saw. I hope you once again enjoy this nice little cop-out of an update.

Of all the genres of film and video, of all the endless possible choices, there can be no horror flick campy enough, no action film cheesy enough, no romantic comedy romantic enough to surpass the absolute God-awful mess that is the promotional video. That is, unless the promotional video is a family oriented imaginary trip through the Herr’s potato chip factory. Permit me to summarize, because even those who may have viewed this video may not (hopefully) have taken the tome to break it down and analyze it. A family that is taking a trip to the Herr’s potato chip factory and is apparently very excited about it for some reason begins there drive. During the trip, the daughter who the credits identify as “Girl� falls asleep (probably from too much excitement) and dreams the entire tour, in which she and her brother Boy, played by the enigmatic Joey Jay are lead through the factory’s many treacherous facilities by Chipper, the Herr’s mascot. Chipper is a sock puppet with the combined entertainment value of amplified bull-horns and crucifixion, but that doesn’t stop him from being the star of every scene thereafter including the waking sequence in which he isn’t supposed to exist anymore but does anyway because of the power of imagination or something. One might question how Girl’s imagination had achieved such power, considering how poorly acted her dreams were, but by that point the plot was so full of holes poking any more would disintegrate it.

Throughout the video, numerous unintentional symbols appear, which are certain, if the content didn’t already, to steer viewers clear of the Herr’s factory at all costs. The factory itself, though it boasts cleanliness, seems quite content letting a chipmunk wallow in every delicious category of snack. The only force to prevent this tampering is a dimwitted employee who reappears numerous times and is definitely a symbol of each and every worker there and not a result of tight casting. The children, though they seem to crave Herr’s snacks, immediately drop them on the floor every time Chipper lobs free ones at them. I only point out this, one of many, many discrepancies in storyline because not only is it obvious, it is brought to our attention. The kids drop their chips and pretzels on the floor and they fall right into a close-up shot. Luckily, since it’s a dream, their actions prevent any disappointment upon waking and finding no snacks. In fact, when we the audience “wake� in a sense from the real tour at the end, we are assured that we can take the tour ourselves and even buy our very own Chipper dolls! To quote a nameless Chuck Palahniuk character, “Put a gun to my head, and paint the walls with my brains.� I’m sold.

Don’t forget, you can take the factory tour yourself, and if you live in Pennsylvania, it’s just minutes (hours) away! And with a tag line like this, how can you resist?

Herrs - featuring delicious nutritious snacks, potao chips, pertzels, corn chips, tortilla chips, and more. Check out our free factory tour!